The First 30 Days Survival Kit
Free betrayal trauma tools for the hardest month of your life
No email required. Take it, use it, share it with anyone who needs it.
You just found out.
Or you found out three weeks ago and you're still drowning.
Either way, you're probably experiencing some version of this: you can't sleep, but you're exhausted. Images you don't want play on a loop behind your eyes. Your heart races for no reason you can name. You check his phone — or you're white-knuckling the urge to. Food seems pointless. And underneath everything, your brain is running the same questions on repeat: What really happened? How did I not see it? Do I stay or do I go?
None of this means you're losing your mind. These are the documented, predictable symptoms of betrayal trauma — your nervous system responding to a real threat to your attachment bond, exactly the way threat-detection systems are built to respond.
And they respond to the right tools.
What’s in the kit:
The First 30 Days Survival Kit covers the seven symptoms betrayed partners struggle with most in the first month — each with a practical tool designed to work tonight:
When you can't sleep — the 3 a.m. Protocol
When the mental movies won't stop — Label, Ground, Return
When panic hits — riding the 90-Second Wave
When you need to check — again — Urge Surfing + the Checking Window
When food doesn't seem to exist — the Minimum Viable Food Protocol
When the thought-loops won't stop running — the Questions List
When every decision screams at once — the Big Freeze Rule
Each section tells you what's normal, so you can stop wondering whether you're broken, and flags what's worth taking to a professional — so you know when to reach for more than self-help.
Who it's for:
This kit is for any woman in the first weeks after discovering a partner's affair, pornography addiction, or compulsive sexual behavior — whether you found out yesterday or a month ago, whether you're staying, leaving, or have no idea yet. It's the same set of tools I hand every client in her first month of betrayal trauma therapy.
One promise: you don't have to believe these tools will work for them to work. Just use them.
Get the kit:
It's a PDF — readable on your phone at 3 a.m., which is honestly when you'll need it.
The kit helps you cope. Therapy helps you heal.
The survival kit manages symptoms — sleep, panic, the checking urge, the spiraling questions. Trauma treatment resolves them. If you're a month past discovery and the waves aren't spacing out, betrayal trauma therapy is specific, effective, and yours regardless of what your partner does or doesn't do.
Ready to talk? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation
Learn more about what you're experiencing: The Betrayal Trauma Symptoms Checklist
Resiient Light Counseling — Betrayal Trauma Therapy for Women in Utah
Frequently Asked Questions about the First 30 Days Survival Kit
Is the kit really free?
Yes — completely. No email required, no account, nothing to sign up for. Click the button, get the PDF. If a resource helps you through the hardest month of your life, that's what it's for.
Can I share it with a friend?
Please do. That's partly why there's no gate on it — this kit is meant to travel: to a friend who just found out, to a sister, to anyone who needs it at 2 a.m. Share the link, send the file, print a copy. The only thing we ask is that you share it whole rather than excerpted.
Does the kit replace therapy?
No — and it's honest about that. The kit is symptom management for the acute phase: the sleep protocol, the panic tool, the way to handle the checking urge. Those tools help you function while you heal — they don't do the healing itself. Trauma treatment resolves the underlying injury, and no worksheet can do that work. If you're a month past discovery and the waves aren't spacing out, that's not a kit problem — that's a therapy conversation. (Page 10 of the kit covers exactly when to make that call.)
I just found out yesterday. Is it too early for this?
It's exactly early enough. The kit was built for the first 30 days — especially the worst first days. If you found out last night, start with Kit 1 (sleep) and Kit 3 (panic), use whatever applies tonight, and skip the rest until you need it. Nothing here requires you to be calm, ready, or "past" anything.
Who made this?
Becky Ruff, LCMHC, NCC, CCTP, CCPS — I'm an APSATS-certified partner specialist providing betrayal trauma therapy for women and all adults in Utah and Idaho. This is the same set of tools I hand every client in her first month. The full science behind each symptom is covered in the Betrayal Trauma Symptoms Checklist if you want to understand what's happening to you, not just manage it.
Becky Ruff
Betrayal Trauma Therapist for Women, Couples, and All Adults
APSATS -Certified Partner Specialist — LGBTQ-Affirming — Serving Utah & Idaho
MS, LCMHC, NCC, CCTP, CCPS
“Always remember: You are Braver than you believe, Stronger than you seem, Smarter than you think, and Loved more than you know.”
