Ep. 22- Meditation and Betrayal Trauma, Ryan Raleigh, LCHMC

Becky and Autumn sit down with Ryan Raleigh, Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor with LifeStar Salt Lake and Redwood Therapy. Ryan has been married for twenty years and has eight kids. On this podcast, he shares his personal and professional journey and insights about meditation and provides a guided meditation during the podcast.

Ryan shares that he experienced betrayal trauma both as a child and in his first marriage. He identifies with and remembers the agonies of betrayal trauma, such as the hard-to-manage invasive thoughts, feeling crazy, and feeling like a private detective.

Ryan says began integrating meditation into his personal life and his counseling practice several years ago. He describes meditation as

the process of “looking inward” on your body sensations, thoughts,

images floating by and what is happening all around you.

Ryan asserts that you can do meditation anywhere you want; it doesn’t even have to be quiet around you. He explains that when you meditate and your mind wanders, be really gentle bringing the focus back. 

Like bringing a bubble over with a feather.

Ryan says there are no “have tos” in meditation, and that even a one-minute meditation is okay. He explains, however, that meditating for at least three to five minutes is enough to change you.  Ryan shares he began his meditation journey with guided meditation and there are many other types of meditation including transcendental, yoga (moving meditation), and mantra (a repeated affirmation over and over).

Ryan is particularly interested in how meditation can heal trauma. “Trauma scars the brain,” he says. “It creates ruts and neuropathways—it hurts the brain in ways we’re still trying to understand.” Betrayal trauma is particularly harmful because “the person you want to talk to is also the enemy,” he says.

Ryan reminds us that trauma is stored in our bodies, not just our brains. Because of this, we often feel like our body is betraying us and letting us down. However, Ryan shares that our bodies are actually trying to protect us, and he invites us to:

 Love that protection instead of shaming that protection.

Meditation can help the rumination, invasive thoughts, and triggers associated with betrayal trauma. Ryan describes that, “So often we’re acting in a reactionary mode. But just the understanding that we’re being triggered helps us to slow down.”

Ryan says that during a trauma response, blood is going to the center of our brain and it doesn’t have access to the prefrontal cortex. But when you can recognize that trigger, we re-route the pathways to our brain to allow more blood to the prefrontal cortex.

Kindness to ourselves, Ryan shares, is of paramount importance. “If we were to shame our reaction and our trigger, we stick ourselves in place. But if we are to be kind, we can move through that.”

If we are kind to ourselves, then we can grow.

Ryan reminds us that, while meditating, we’re not going to use judgement, but we’re just going to notice.

Becky shares that one of the things she loves about meditation is you can always make it your own. Ryan explains further that he started, years ago, with guided meditations, but now does self-guided meditations. These self-guided meditations often involve utilizing his authentic, higher self to help heal.

When asked about what restoration means to him, Ryan responds: “All my mistakes will be accounted for my gain. All those struggles and trials will serve to strengthen me. The parts of me that I hate the most, I have to learn to love those. God can help us love those. The atonement was accomplished by equal measures of love with equal measures of pain”.  He shares that 

Restoration was always meant to happen.

Becky reminds us that, “the pain is an essential part of this process, of this life.”

Autumn shares that she feels like this pain is generational because we take on our ancestors’ DNA, their problems and what they left behind, and we are healing that. For her, restoration involves “repairing what has been broken before and giving love and light ahead.”  

Ryan encourages the practice of meditation by inviting us to “Take something that you’re struggling with and allow your mind to focus on it. When your mind wanders and you bring it back, that’s one push up. When our mind wanders and you bring it back again, that’s two push ups. And so on.” 

With meditation, the “right” way is the way that works for you. Honesty is essential to this process. 

“When we hide,” he says, “we can’t be healed. That’s freedom—to let ourselves be seen.”

Ryan’s favorite resources:

Honesty

Self-Kindness

In meditation, let your mind wander and practice bringing it back

Meditation app that works for you (“Calm”, “Breathe”, other free apps available)

Music- pay attention to notes and your body

Practice!!!

Ryan’s Song: 

“If We’re Honest” by Francesca Battistelli