Ep. 56- Body Regulation and Betrayal Trauma with Todd Olsen, LCSW

Becky, Tiffany and Autumn are joined by Todd Olsen, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, co-founder of LifeStar, and clinical director of Circles of Grace (formerly LifeStar Salt Lake). Todd shares that he enjoys the outdoors and spending time with his grandchildren. Adventure is a big part of his life, and he loves the Lord.

Todd begins by asking Becky for more information about the Christian foundation of the podcast. After Becky shares the beauty in listening to women’s journeys walking with the Lord through their darkest times and back into the light, Todd affirms that to be a common experience among women he has worked with that are experiencing betrayal trauma.

It brings hope when we are able to look back when we move out of that and see where He was there all along.

Todd introduces Polyvagal Theory and encourages listeners to do a google search to learn more. He explains it as the nervous system searching for safety or protecting from danger, and then trying to help our bodies regulate back to a state of homeostasis.

Todd describes the three states of Polyvagal Theory: ventral vagal, or social engagement, sympathetic, or “fight or flight”, and dorsal, or “shut down”. Elaborating deeper, Todd describes the “window of tolerance” as the roller coaster of stress in our daily lives. Even though things can be stressful, if we can think and feel simultaneously, we are still in the window. When we are ruminating (overthinking) or emotions have taken over, usually that indicates we are out of the window.

If we stay within the window of tolerance we can have clear thinking and function.

Todd explains that the window of tolerance belongs with the ventral vagal level and that the first line of defense against any threat is social engagement. With Betrayal Trauma, the person causing the harm is the person you would usually turn to when experiencing a threat. When the first line of defense is not available, our nervous systems go to the second defense, which is Fight or Flight.

Todd shares that when in Fight or Flight people cannot think and feel simultaneously. This often looks like people saying words they don’t usually say or making decisions they don’t usually make. When these attempts to get equilibrium through Fight or Flight fails, then people move to the last line of defense: dorsal.

Todd describes behaviors in dorsal as shut down, collapsing, freezing, withdrawing, appeasing, pleasing, dissociating. Becky points out that these are natural responses from the nervous system in order to protect, and these are not explicit choices being made. Todd agrees and shares what he calls the nervous system:

It’s called the autonomic nervous system. We should just call it the automatic nervous system.

Autumn points out that betrayal is not the only time our bodies go to the dorsal stage, but that it can happen throughout our life. Todd relates how helpful it can be to know about the body’s nervous system because it helps us have self-compassion.

Todd describes the Four R’s of Polyvagal Theory: 1. Recognize what state we are in. 2. Respect ourself or others in whatever state they are in. 3. Regulating the nervous system to help it come back to a state of balance. 4. Re-story what is going on, or rewriting the story we tell ourselves.

If you have a friend in fight or flight… respect the state they are in. It’s not their fault.

Todd explains the importance of pendulation to help our nervous system move from dorsal (shut down) back to a state of equilibrium. He describes the need for physical and emotional movement at a micro level to begin the process, and the need to reflect and identify what state one is in.

We don’t give our nervous system enough time to leave it alone and let it come back to our natural state.

Todd leads the hosting team through exercises to identify how they show up in each of the three states. He recommends this process to all listeners, so they can identify this for themselves. Todd discusses several coping skills to help pendulate in healthy ways: yoga blocks, voo-ing, orienting, boundary work, poetry, exercise, music, etc... 

Todd shares that sometimes we can get stuck in our spiritual “have to’s” instead of listening to the Spirit guide and direct us. Tiffany shares that her experience getting divorced taught her that sometimes the Right Way looks different than what we thought.

Sometimes the Right Way is different.

Todd’s Recovery Resources:

Yoga blocks, power posture, exercise

voo-ing

Writing poetry, listening to music…

Orienting (4-3-2-1)

Todd chose his song because it reminds him to orient: “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong