Ep. 82- Q&A Grief

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“I love grief.” 

That’s how Tiffany begins this honest and vulnerable conversation—not because grief is enjoyable, but because it’s necessary, sacred, and worth talking about. In this episode, Becky, Tiffany, and Autumn tackle listener-submitted questions about grief, especially in the wake of betrayal, addiction, and complex trauma.

Grief shows up differently for everyone, and each host shares the places and patterns where their own grief emerged—whether it was on the kitchen floor, in the car, or hiding in numbness. Autumn explains how grief often came through repetitive behaviors, like walking excessively or isolating herself. Tiffany describes how despair would bounce between overwhelming sadness and emotional dissociation, making connection feel impossible. Becky remembers a time of deep depression and disconnection, where even basic interaction with others felt like too much.

The hosts explore the concept of complex grief—the kind that comes not from a one-time event but through repeated betrayals and relational injury. Becky highlights how this kind of grief doesn’t move linearly or simply pass with time. Instead, it loops and flares, and it takes self-compassion and support to move through it. Tiffany shares that even recognizing it as grief took her years, which might have helped her name and process what was really happening earlier.

“Your body keeps the score,” Autumn reminds us, referencing the well-known book. 

The co-hosts talk about how physical self-care is vital in grief recovery—hydration, rest, movement, and even salt caves or massage can help the body release emotional pain. Autumn emphasizes that once she let go of codependency (enmashment), healing grief could finally come forward.

Tiffany adds that 12-step work was a lifeline for her, especially in dealing with resentment and re-feeling old emotional wounds. Journaling, spiritual connection, and eventually allowing herself to be supported by a sponsor made a significant impact. Even if it took time to feel ready, group was crucial to re-establishing safe connection after seasons of isolation.

Connection is one of the most powerful antidotes to grief. 

The hosts agree that learning to trust again—after betrayal, trauma, or emotional abandonment—requires intentional steps and often a willingness to sit with discomfort. 

But when safe people are present, those green flags can help us reenter relationships without hiding behind the phrase “I’m fine.”

Cohosts share how grief still shows up today—not just in the context of addiction, but in ongoing life transitions. Autumn vulnerably shares the grief that comes with losing loved ones, navigating adult children’s challenges, and unmet expectations of what family might look like. She also notes that when her inner critic starts speaking up—thoughts of not being good enough or feeling like a failure—it’s often a sign that unprocessed grief is surfacing again.

Tiffany adds that triggers and emotional “activations” are often God's way of saying, “Hey, it’s time to look at this again.” She talks about moments where sadness shows up unexpectedly, unrelated to anything immediate, and realizes these are opportunities for deeper healing. “It’s grief trying to move through,” she says, encouraging listeners not to ignore those moments but to listen to them.

Becky emphasizes the importance of emotional awareness, noting how difficult it can be to name grief when it doesn’t look like we expect. She shares her own experience of grieving the loss of connection—not just with a partner, but also with the version of life she thought she’d have. 

Becky reminds us that even when things are “technically” okay, there’s still permission to feel the weight of what was lost.

“Grief doesn’t mean we’re stuck—it means we’ve been wounded.” 

But those wounds don’t define the future. Through grief, cohosts have learned to listen more closely to themselves, to lean into spiritual guidance, and to find meaning in their suffering—not in a way that erases the pain, but in a way that transforms it into purpose.

Recovery Resources:

  • 12-Step Recovery Programs

  • The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

  • Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler

  • The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller

  • Therapy (individual and group)

  • Journaling & writing unsent letters

  • Sound baths, massage, salt caves, and other body-based self-care

  • Music playlists for emotional expression

  • Tiffany’s “My Marriage Memorial” on Etsy https://www.etsy.com/listing/733563721/my-marriage-memorial?etsrc=sdt

    Autumn’s Song: "Running With You in the Dark" -Tenth Avenue North