Ep. 14- Yoga and Healing with Sariah Hoffman, Yoga Therapist

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Sariah Hoffman, a yoga therapist and founder of Backpocket Yoga in Lehi, Utah. She has been teaching yoga for fourteen years and practicing as a yoga therapist for six years. She is the creator of an eight-week yoga therapy program that has helped hundreds of people find themselves after betrayal trauma. Sariah is also the author of the book Beyond Breath. Having gone through betrayal trauma herself, Sariah has used the tools found in her program to find love—love for herself, which has then brought love into her life on all levels.

 Sariah experienced betrayal trauma during her first marriage. She discovered that she was believing her husband more than she was believing herself. She practiced yoga during this time, but due to the betrayal trauma she was experiencing, Sariah wasn’t emotionally present during her thousand hours of yoga teacher training. 

My spirit was dying. My spirit was speaking to me through my body, but I wasn’t listening.

Engaging in talk therapy was a turning point for Sariah, as was learning to say “no.”  Taking care of her body, going to the temple, and praying constantly for discernment also helped.  Slowly, she started seeing herself. So, when her husband told her she was crazy and making things up, Sariah was able to ground herself. She knew if she could feel the ground and could breathe, her heart would slow down and then she could focus and see things clearly.

After her divorce, Sariah did the thousand hours of yoga therapist training again and then added more hours, as well, to become certified.

Sariah shares that yoga is the cessation of the fluctuation of the mind. It’s the ceasing of the chaos in your mind. Yoga is not just the postures (asanas) and the breath work.  It is the way that you live your life. 

You are sacred.

Many people think they can’t do yoga because they aren’t flexible, Sariah says. But any type of body can do yoga. It doesn’t have to be a tough workout.

In the first movement week of her eight-week yoga therapy program, Sariah’s students learn: “I have a right to be here.” They focus on learning to be present in their body, so they can let their body soften and then breathe.

If you change your body, you change your breathing, and then you change your life.

Another misconception about yoga is that it’s a religion. But it’s not. Sariah explains that it actually helps anyone become more firm in their religion, whatever it is. Moving with God, walking with God, is called “yama.” Sariah feels that, 

“If I can be with myself, I can be with God always.”

Sariah also explains that our breath is not ours, it’s God’s. He’s lending it to us, so we need to take care of it. “Your breath doesn’t lie. It’s the ‘trying’ to breathe, powering through it, that gets us stuck.” Sariah shares that the irony is, we have to let go of our breath to be able to breathe in and let God take over. When this happens, we have more clarity and our words can come from a grounded place. 

Sariah shares that yoga is becoming more prevalent in the therapeutic world because the connection to the body is so important. 

Your body holds onto everything.

Therapeutic yoga addresses the emotional backpack that we carry around, Sariah says. Anything that we do not feel lives in the fascia of the body. Every unfelt emotion sits in the fascia and it becomes very tight. Sariah explains that that’s why some yoga postures make you cry, because you’re releasing that fascia.

Sariah shares that another aspect of healing from betrayal trauma that is key is learning about boundaries. All too often, we base our recovery on our husband’s recovery. We still want to be in control. However, yoga teaches you how to learn how to change the dance

Recovery is discovery.

Healthy, strong boundaries tell you that you have to get yourself to safety, Sariah says. You have to be the one to hold that power, you can’t give the power over your safety to others.  She shares that when you feel unsafe, it’s your responsibility to get yourself safe, whatever that looks like. It takes time to learn to trust yourself again after you’ve experienced betrayal trauma, shares Sariah. Learning to trust yourself again helps you recognize the signs that you feel unsafe. Setting boundaries and achieving safety for ourselves changes the dance.

When I feel safe, I can make mistakes and it’s okay.

Sariah shares that another crucial aspect of recovery is learning about the triggers we experience in day-to-day life. Triggers occur even when we really are in a place of safety; they’re reminders and they are going to happen. However, Sariah shares, our triggers are not our partner’s job. Even if he’s the one who did these things to cause the pain and the triggers, our triggers are not his.

When we can check in with ourselves, we realize we just need to get ourselves to safety for a minute. Sariah says, “When we leave it up to someone else to not trigger us, it’s as if we have trigger goggles on, and we’re just looking for triggers.”

Sariah shares that the bottom line is, when our partners aren’t in a healthy place, they may be doing things to harm themselves, but they are still sacred. They’re not holding themselves sacred, but they are still sacred. 

You don’t have to wait for him to do the work to start holding yourself sacred.

Sariah’s yoga studio, Back Pocket Yoga, provides “emotional fitness.” She feels that talk therapy helped her, but she found herself stuck in the same place over and over again. When she utilized yoga and got in her body, that’s when the big changes happened.

Sariah’s Recovery Resources:

www.backpocketyogastudios.com

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

Beyond Breath by Sariah C. Bastian (Sariah Hoffman)

Sariah’s Song: 

“In Dreams” by Jai-Jagdeesh

Ep. 13- Abby's Story

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Abby to share her story. Abby was born and raised in Fairview, Utah. Growing up, she felt her parents had a “fairy tale” marriage because she never witnessed any fighting or arguments. She felt that she would someday marry a returned missionary in the temple, and then she would get to have that “fairy tale” life, as well, and that everything would be “bubbles and roses.” 

Her relationship with God growing up was a bit distant. She knew he was a wonderful being who had given her so many blessings, but because He’d given her so much, she felt she couldn’t ask him for anything more.

She met her husband when they were both on ballroom dance teams at Utah Valley University. Before they got married, he opened up about his pornography addiction. When she prayed about whether or not to marry him, she received the direct prompting that she should continue with the relationship and that the Lord would let her know if she needed to end things down the road.

It did not take long for her husband’s problems with pornography to affect their brand-new marriage. Within just a couple of weeks, he engaged in a days-long gaming binge, leaving her feeling completely disconnected from him. Later she began connecting the dots between his gaming binges with his acting out with porn, realizing they coincided.

It was the complete disconnection from my husband that was so painful.

She soon began distracting herself from her painful marriage by throwing herself into motherhood. The problem was, things with her husband were so troublesome that she didn’t feel like she could be completely present with her child, either. And her husband’s pornography addiction kept getting worse.

On their fourth anniversary, they drove several hours to attend therapy. Her husband had recently disclosed a months-long acting out with pornography and she threw up a wall of anger. However, she was hesitant to allow herself to feel that anger towards him. She knew she was hurt, but she thought acknowledging that anger wasn’t what she was supposed to do. She didn’t understand why her husband couldn’t just stop looking at pornography.

Abby and her husband began going to twelve-step meetings, but they weren’t the right fit for Abby, and her husband was only attending them to go through the motions. Her relationship with the Lord at that time was mostly “non-existent.” 

I felt more betrayed by God than by my spouse.

She kept feeling like she needed to stay in the marriage, but she didn’t want to and felt resentful to the Lord for asking that of her. She thought, “If the Lord’s going to play me like that, then everyone’s going to play me like that.” Out of fear and in a desire to protect herself, she cut herself off from the Lord. She cut herself off from everyone, including herself. She was disconnected from her own feelings and needs.

Around this time, she and her husband began attending separate group therapies. Her husband loved the groups because of the connections he gained. However, there were parts of it that didn’t work well for Abby because of all of the highly charged emotions flying around the room. She did, however, make lasting friendships with some of the wives in the group. 

After this group work, she began striving to focus on her own healing. She realized she actually was angry at her husband, that all those times she thought she was merely feeling hurt, was actually a feeling of apathy.

I had to first pull the apathy down to uncover the anger underneath.

Abby and her husband went to a Three Key Elements class because she told him if they didn’t, she would divorce him. Even though the classes weren’t based on treating addiction, they were very helpful. Soon, from taking these classes, something switched in her husband. He realized he could lead their family, he could take care of his own stuff. She let h

At that time, her relationship with God was still very strained. She still didn’t trust God. It took having her third child for her to begin to trust the Lord. When she was pregnant with him, she had a strong and clear impression from the Lord:

This child is coming with medical difficulties.

God also told her, “This child will come with lessons that you and your family need. He will be your bright spot and the hardest thing you’ll ever do in this life.” 

She began gaining trust in God when time and time again, various doctors told them there was nothing wrong. But the spirit whispered that there was. After many long months of worry, x-rays, procedures, and genetic testing, they finally learned his diagnosis. But there still weren’t clear answers on a treatment plan for him. 

She’s learned there are many parallels between her journey with her husband’s addiction and with their son’s medical problems. There’s lots of difficulty and very few answers. But when she could visualize handing her baby over to the Savior when she was handing him off to the medical personnel, she felt peace.

Abby realized that was what she had to do with her husband. She can’t carry her husband or his addictions and she can’t make his decisions. 

But I can walk by my husband’s side and turn him over to the Savior when it gets really hard.

Her relationship with the Lord has improved because she can now ask Him for things. She engages in a personalized process when she’s triggered or when things feel hard. This process involves listening to various playlists according to her mood, using journaling and physical activity and writing out what she’s thankful for. All of this is bookended with taking it to the Lord, when she says:

I’ve worked through this on my end. What do I need to learn now, what do I need to do, and who can I serve with this?

Abby’s Recovery Resources:

Journaling

Music

Movement

Taking everything to the Lord

Taking things to the Lord again to see what gifts He has for me

LifeStar Therapy- a good start.  Learned so much!

3 Key Elements- Helped us work together again.

Abby’s Song: 

The Sound of Surviving by Nichole Nordeman